Inspired by the recent Facebook post of a friend of mine that read:
It is time to get rid of the dead weight for 2010; You know who you are, I began to think about the concept of dead weight in my own life as I move toward my goal of ever increasing wellness. I try to surround myself with like-minded, positive people who are generally on the same path. But there are times when I have met with dissention, egoism and negativity. Usually it is my own, but every now in then it comes in the form of a person close to me.

Others have shared similar experiences with me. In my recent foray into the world of nutrition and wellness counseling, I have come across many people who are ready to jump with two feet into a new eating lifestyle and exercise program. They have all the vigor, excitement, and energy and would like to learn more about what to do to access good health. They are done with the Monday morning diet-Friday evening failure syndrome, the yo-yoing, the false starts and promises. They are laying their fears aside, moving full steam ahead, turning over a new leaf and this time, going for the gusto!

Unfortunately, their programs have stalled and something is keeping them from getting off the ground. The problem? Surprisingly, often it is a loved one, a spouse, a parent, a child…. a highly significant other who they wrongly assumed would be their biggest supporter.

This is often not a surprise. Couples who start their relationships in leaner years, who grow together, in more ways than one, often find comfort together in food. I am reminded of the many trips my own grandfather took downstairs to get the late night snacks for he and my grandmother to eat while watching The Late Show with Johnny Carson. The vision of them, beyond pleasantly plump, peering over bellies and dinner trays, sitting up in bed, with the framed photo of a slimmer him in WWII uniform and a hourglass shaped her in 40s floral cotton apron on the beside table nearby.

Following his untimely death from a heart attack years later, she recounted to me “…our social lives were build around dining out with friends, Sunday dinners, backyard BBQs, and buffets lines. Food was our lives, and we just didn’t know any better. We tried to diet, but felt to change would be to ostracize ourselves from all aspects of how we related to the people we loved.”

My own attempt at dieting when a young mother was always thwarted, not just by a cabinet full of snacks for the kid, but by my own conditioning against waste. I found myself “finishing” my son’s food out of some moral obligation to the “starving children of Africa”. My obligation to my weakening waistline was left on its on, and soon forgotten. Seeking to ease the guilt, it became extremely easy to blame my kid for my inability to succeed on my quest for healthier eating.

What is one to do when your very goal is being sabotaged, intentionally or otherwise, by someone important in your life? This is particularly hard when you live with the person. When you have stocked your fridge with greens, fresh veggies, fruit, gluten free this and trans-fat free that and in they come with a bucket of piping hot KFC. What do you do when you feel usurped, undermined, unsupported and are ready to just join in the social eating club? How do you deal with their issued of want, need, abandonment and fear? Below are some tips on finding success on partnering on the journey to wellness.

Be an example. You may be spending the time thinking about how this person is holding you down and holding you back, but have you ever thought that you are there to inspire them? That they may need you more now than you need them. You may be the rock at this point. This is the nature of relationships. Sometimes you take them helm. Where you are weak, they make be strong and vice versa.

Thing of the shift in the relationship of being a child of an aging parent. Once they met your every need, kissed your skinned knees, soothed bruised egos and broken hearts, but in time the child become the anchor in the relationship, caring for the parent in many of those same manners.

When it comes to relationships and nutrition, you can make healthier meals, introduce items that will provide balance, like the Green Smoothie or Spirulina Bars, suggest new restaurant choices. Provide these items as side dishes or options to their less than healthy choices so as not to present a conflict. Allow them to see you reaching for these options without nagging them to make a hard and fast choice.

Walk the walk together. Walking has manifold benefits for those partnered in aspiring to greater health. Get the blood flowing toward your heads, hearts and all parts while getting a much needed opportunity to just talk. Our busy lives often do not afford many even the smallest opportunities just to download about our days. This can be done into the darker hours of the early evening that you may not being willing to do on the solo tip, but now that your are with a partner, you can take advantage of the “safety in numbers” aspect while listening and sharing about your respective days.

Brainstorm on Together on The New Social Paradigm.
If like many, you two have built much of your social life around eating activities, sit down and think of new activities to strengthen your bond that do not center on food. Family fitness day in the park. Camping. Boating. Backyard badminton. You will be surprised how receptive your social circle be when invited to these activities over a day of sitting around and eating. They will be grateful to both you for the inspiration.

Hire a coach. If it is financially feasible, enlisting the help of a professional nutrition coach. Sometimes it is harder for your partner to hear it from you. They may feel abandoned, even angry at you for ending your partnership in food. Hearing it from a professional may make it more palatable and takes the pressure off of you as a nag or a know-it-all.

Co-create. Make a plan. Set goals together. Create a vision for your future health. Make a vision board showing healthy food choices, healthy bodies with happy people engaged in fun outdoor activities. Discuss how you can enhance your relationship by reaching for wellness together. But be sure to do it in love and with respect to how your partner, parent, sibling, child, friend may feel about the joint venture.

Practice gratitude. Thank them and thank them often. The journey is a difficult alone, and having a partner can be the inspiration you need to make it a success. Tell them regularly how thankful you are for having them in your corner. Speak victory over them. Start to harness the power of words as powerful weapons. Start talking to them about the way you would like them to make you feel. Start speaking those things you would like them to do for you, say to you, and think about you. Thank you for your influence over my life. You are my inspiration, and I am excited about our partnership toward ever increasing wellness. I am so glad you are on my team.

Most importantly, Pray. All precious gifts come from above and if you ask it is given. It is the desire of the Creator that we be in good health and to prosper. Through prayer and supplication, enlist the help of God to help you find ways to be an inspiration to your partner and vice versa. Ask for strength for both of you along the path. Ask for new eyes with which to see them and for them to see you. Remember above all. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change!